Week 12, Title: Dear Friend

[swirlsofpurple]

Dear friend,

When I say, ‘Happy Birthday’, I hope you know I mean:
I hope this day is good to you,
I hope this year is good to you,
We should all be celebrating,
Because the world became brighter the day you entered it,
My life became brighter when I met you,
You have helped me more than you know,
I wouldn’t be where I am today without you,
I don’t know if I would be anywhere today without you. 

When I say, ‘Congratulations’, I hope you know I mean:
I always knew you could do it,
And watching you on this journey has been wonderful,
I’m so, so proud of you,
You’ve earned this,
I’m so happy for you,
I hope it’s everything you want it to be,
Because you’re amazing and if anyone deserves this,
You do.

When I say, ‘Goodbye, take care’, I hope you know I mean:
I care about you,
I worry about you,
I love you,
I’m sorry that society’s laws on platonic friendship don’t give us space-
To tell each other we love each other,
I wonder what you would think if I told you I loved you,
Would you think I was being weird,
Would you think I wanted something more,
I think you would know exactly what I meant,
You’re good like that,
And if I was going to say it, when?
When we hug hello, when we hug goodbye,
When I see you walk in the door,
Where’s the space to fit these words in my mouth.

When I say, ‘I miss you, I’ll come visit’ and then fail to buy a plane ticket, I hope you know I mean:
I miss you, but I’m a bit of a mess,
I really do want to see you,
I think about the way we laugh together:
The way you made me laugh,
The way I made you laugh,
I think about what we would do together if I visited.

When I say, ‘Get well soon’, I hope you know I mean:
When I heard I stared out of the window for a time,
I don’t know how long,
My mind buzzing emptily,
And when the buzzing stopped-
I thought about how everything would be less without you:
I would be less without you.

When I say, ‘she was a wonderful person who touched all our lives’, I hope you know I mean:
I’m sorry I failed to tell you any of this when it mattered-
That I failed to make you understand how cherished you were,
That I wasn’t enough to keep you here,
I’m sorry I failed you,
Forgive me.

Comments

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Oh, such heartbreak!

I read these initially as being isolated events, but as they built toward a single story, that ending was just devastating.

When I say, ‘Get well soon’, I hope you know I mean:
When I heard I stared out of the window for a time,
I don’t know how long,
My mind buzzing emptily,
Oh, god. I think most of us know exactly what this feeling is, and so wish we didn't.

I'm so sorry about your friend, and so sorry you've been through this.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you