Week 12, Title: Dear Friend

[swirlsofpurple]

Dear friend,

When I say, ‘Happy Birthday’, I hope you know I mean:
I hope this day is good to you,
I hope this year is good to you,
We should all be celebrating,
Because the world became brighter the day you entered it,
My life became brighter when I met you,
You have helped me more than you know,
I wouldn’t be where I am today without you,
I don’t know if I would be anywhere today without you. 

When I say, ‘Congratulations’, I hope you know I mean:
I always knew you could do it,
And watching you on this journey has been wonderful,
I’m so, so proud of you,
You’ve earned this,
I’m so happy for you,
I hope it’s everything you want it to be,
Because you’re amazing and if anyone deserves this,
You do.

When I say, ‘Goodbye, take care’, I hope you know I mean:
I care about you,
I worry about you,
I love you,
I’m sorry that society’s laws on platonic friendship don’t give us space-
To tell each other we love each other,
I wonder what you would think if I told you I loved you,
Would you think I was being weird,
Would you think I wanted something more,
I think you would know exactly what I meant,
You’re good like that,
And if I was going to say it, when?
When we hug hello, when we hug goodbye,
When I see you walk in the door,
Where’s the space to fit these words in my mouth.

When I say, ‘I miss you, I’ll come visit’ and then fail to buy a plane ticket, I hope you know I mean:
I miss you, but I’m a bit of a mess,
I really do want to see you,
I think about the way we laugh together:
The way you made me laugh,
The way I made you laugh,
I think about what we would do together if I visited.

When I say, ‘Get well soon’, I hope you know I mean:
When I heard I stared out of the window for a time,
I don’t know how long,
My mind buzzing emptily,
And when the buzzing stopped-
I thought about how everything would be less without you:
I would be less without you.

When I say, ‘she was a wonderful person who touched all our lives’, I hope you know I mean:
I’m sorry I failed to tell you any of this when it mattered-
That I failed to make you understand how cherished you were,
That I wasn’t enough to keep you here,
I’m sorry I failed you,
Forgive me.

Comments

[static_abyss]

That last stanza was really beautiful and so so important.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so glad you liked that last stanza :)

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

*cries* Why, why, why do we so often feel as though we fail those we love and who love us best?

Beautifully rendered, J.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so glad you found it beautiful :).

[alexanderscttb.livejournal.com]

I think there is a lot of triumph in this. . . it really is such a failure of ours that we so often fail to express as much when there was still the chance. . .

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you :).

Yeah, I agree, it really is.

[sunouttomorrow.livejournal.com]

This is a stunningly beautiful tribute to platonic friendship. There are so many truths to it.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[nikkiii-brown.livejournal.com]

And now I'm crying. "Forgive me." Oh I felt that so much! Beautiful ♥

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

All of this is a total punch to the gut, how much social mores fail us as humans to relate to one another as we should, and that last reveal makes my heart ache for you. <3

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you

[murielle.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes.

This is true. So true.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Heartbreaking. It perfectly captures the way that we tend to rely on short messages to each other, without often saying what we truly feel.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Oh, such heartbreak!

I read these initially as being isolated events, but as they built toward a single story, that ending was just devastating.

When I say, ‘Get well soon’, I hope you know I mean:
When I heard I stared out of the window for a time,
I don’t know how long,
My mind buzzing emptily,
Oh, god. I think most of us know exactly what this feeling is, and so wish we didn't.

I'm so sorry about your friend, and so sorry you've been through this.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you

[tonithegreat.livejournal.com]

This is so beautiful and relatable and somber. It makes me want to tell some friends how great they are tomorrow. Thank you.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you