Title: Having a good time

[swirlsofpurple]

 

Flash, flash, flash,

Too many half-there reds, greens, blues,

Push, push, push,

Too many hands, shoulders, feet,

Loud, loud, loud,

Too many beats against her skull,

Too sticky floor,

Too hot air,

Too much, too much, too much.

 

Find a bathroom, close the door, breathe,

Splash, splash, splash,

Water on her face,

Cling, cling, cling,

Fingers on the sink,

I          am          having                                      a          good          time

                                                                      I am      having a           good time

                                                                                                I

                                                                                                                   Am

                                                                                                                                    Having

                                                                                                                                                          A

                                                                                                                                                                   Good

                                                                                                                                                                                      Time

 

Smile, smile smile,

Step back into the cacophony,

Dig fingers in arm, stare at clock, is it too soon to leave?

 

“Are you unhappy?”

 

The strobe-lights halt. The music cuts. Everyone stares.

The accusation sits heavy. Are you us? Or are you Other?

I                  am                                happy

They look into her eyes. They take her pulse. They see her sweat.

The crowd chants,

Other, other, other,

Wait. Wait. Wait: I am having a good time.

They let her go. 

 

Smile, smile, smile,

Must stay happy ‘til the end,

Stay happy ‘til the end,

Happy ‘til the end.

 

 

        

 

Comments

[bleodswean]

YOWCH! I love this and I love how painful it is and how real and how IN YOUR FACE. Fantastic job with the formatting and the repetition just nails the FEELING. J, this is GOOD work!

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you, so glad you liked the way it was real and in your face :)

[ofearthandstars]

Wow! The formatting is really effective here. And I love the dark undercurrent of forced conformity.

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you, so glad you liked the formatting and aspect of forced conformity :)

[adoptedwriter]

Love how this is styled! The feeling of grinning and bearing it is prevalent and effectively described here.

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you, so glad you like the style :)

[alycewilson]

Ouch! I think any introvert can relate to this, at least a little. I liked the concrete elements of this poem, how you used spacing to indicate the breathing of the protagonist as she tries to calm herself.

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you :)

[drippedonpaper]

Have you ever seen the Netflix Series "Dash and Lily"? This reminded me of the part where she is anxious at a party, and goes to the bathroom to calm down. Your character is brave to get back out there again :)

It was so freeing when I finally "decided" I can define "fun" differently than others. There is nothing "wrong" with me that I have a different idea of fun than other people.

Your formatting of the poem definitely added to the emotional effect. Great job!

[swirlsofpurple]

I haven't seen it

Yeah, I've always accepted that I define fun differently to others, it's the others who often can't accept it

Thank you :)

[erulissedances]

Yes, there are some times when it feels like that at social events.

- Erulisse (one L)

[swirlsofpurple]

IKR, thank you :)

[dsrmousey]

I can relate to this on So many levels. I love the repetition, it makes itmore... Real? Or surreal? Anyhow, I really liked this. Peace~~~Desiree.

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you, glad you liked :)

[marlawentmad]

This is a glorious depiction of social anxiety. I do enjoy a great craic. But there have definitely been times when I felt this way deep in the pit of my stomach, too.

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you :) *Hugs*

[banana_galaxy]

Ooof. This reads so much like an autistic person's experience to me.

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you, that's very interesting, I have been meaning to get tested myself as several people have said I might be

[banana_galaxy]

The #1 thing I didn't know about autism until going through the diagnosis process for my son was the sensory experiences (and sensory overload). Once I had that knowledge and started analysing my experiences, things came together for me.

I don't know that people with general social anxiety have the same aversion to situations due to the sensory impact on their bodies, but that was the aspect in this, with the description of the lights and sound, that made me feel like it was an autistic experience.

[swirlsofpurple]

Good to know, thank you

[dadi]

Oh my, do I recognise myself in this! Very well written!

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you :)

[mollywheezy]

So powerfully written! And we've all felt that way at one point in time. Great job!

[swirlsofpurple]

Thank you :)