Week 0, Title: A letter to my fifteen year old self

[swirlsofpurple]

Dear my fifteen year old self,

I’m thirty now and I thought I’d write a letter to the me I was half of my lifetime ago. Rather predictably, a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. The years have taken many of your steel certainties and cast them into doubts. For one, I’m not a teacher. I can hear your horrified gasp from here, you’re wondering what it’s all for, all those efforts, all those perfectly sculpted plans. That solid stalwart dream you’ve had for as long as you can remember. Well, things change. Calm down, it’s fine, I promise. I’m a rota manager at a GP practice, I deal with organising the appointments on the system and the doctors’ schedules, it requires a need for organisational problem solving that I enjoy. All is good.

I expect you want me to tell you what sexual orientation we are. Well, I’ll leave you to figure that out for yourself. Really, the whole ‘I think I like girls but I can’t be gay because I also think I like guys’ thing. The answer is obvious. But you’re allowed to take your time and figure it out. I suppose that’s what being fifteen is for.

Also the whole philosophising, ‘deep’ thing you have going on. I still think that’s cool. But the thing with life is, eventually priorities shift and realisations happen. We may be small in comparison to the universe, but that’s why we matter; that’s why the people we have and the people we affect matter. I’m being condescending, I’m sorry; I’m apparently still the same level of pretentious.

But still, as much as I still admire (and still agree with) the idea of ‘what will be, will be’ with regards to relationships and having kids etc. Things don’t magically happen. Effort is important in your social life just as much as it is in other aspects of life.

Speaking of other aspects: I now like some pop music and there are actors I fangirl over. No, I don’t need an exorcism. I’ve just gained a greater appreciation for the act of creation, of craft, of the time and effort it takes to bring something worthwhile into being.  (Don’t worry I still love rock). Oh, while I’m on that: I want to be a writer. I know, I know, you don’t want your hobby to be your job and it’s massively unrealistic. But one: when you actually spend every day working you will realise that your hobby being your job is an awesome idea, and two: you are allowed to dream!

And thus we come to the main reason I’m writing this letter. For the purposes of fun (and reaching my writing end goals) I’m taking part in a writing competition. It’s actually the third time I’ve done this and it would be easy to assume introductions are moot at this point. But then again, we’re ever changing beings and there may come a time we’re a surprise even to ourselves.

Life is for growing (I still haven’t really grown up, I don’t think this matters) and all that stuff, you’ll figure it out on your own. I wouldn’t want you to do things any differently. I don’t think warnings would really do any good. I suppose the main thing I want to say to you, my fifteen year old self, is this:

There are things I’ve struggled with, times I’ve thought I would never get through; the plague of my own demons; people I’ve lost and people I’ve found. But things get better. There are things I still struggle with, things I always will. But life is one day at a time. And it’s all okay. The bad times are bad. But the good times are good. And you may think you’re incapable of bearing the weight (I sometimes still do) but you can. And believe me, it’s worth it. Carry on.

- Much narcissistic love from your thirty year old self.

PS: Oh and when writing dialogue- put the comma before the speech mark.

Comments

[daria234.livejournal.com]

This is a very cool letter!

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

Great re-intro :) Loved the concept. Super cool advice there!

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, glad you liked it :).

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, glad you liked the concept :)

[xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com]

Love the idea of this entry - I remember writing a letter at 15 to my adult self but I've never written a letter to my younger self!

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, glad you liked the idea :).

[jake67jake]

I've often wanted to go back and give advice to my 15yo self, but knowing me, I wouldn't have taken it anyway.

OOOOHHHHH... a MAJOR pet peeve of mine grammatically!!! Dammit, commas are your friends, people!

Good luck to you.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

I think sometimes you just have to figure stuff out for yourself, even if it takes many years.

My grammar at 15 was hilariously bad.

Thank you.

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

What a great letter! I especially liked the advice that you are allowed to dream, and I got a kick out of the grammar advice at the end. Well done, and welcome back.

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

A fun approach to the topic! I'd love my hobby to be my job but maybe I can do it full time when I retire and start a new phase! Good luck!

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I do think allowing oneself to dream is important :).

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, glad you liked my approach :).

Thanks, good luck to you too!

[banana-galaxy.livejournal.com]

I feel like fifteen years ago, it was so much harder to realise it was possible to be something that wasn't gay or straight. The lack of representation in the media sucked. It still kinda sucks now, but not as much as it did back then.

Anyway, I like your creative take on the introduction post :)

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

So much is easier from the perspective of 30 than of 15. One of the biggest is, "Other people don't care about what you do nearly as much as you probably think." I.e., they are not ultra-focused on your every little flaw, unlike what most of us thought when we were teenagers. It's like realizing that the magnifying glass is streets away, not right on top of you. And it helps.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, glad you liked my take :)

Yeah, I suppose it was harder. I think mainly for me though I didn't think about it that much.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

There's definitely much less pressure in general as you get older. I think in some ways I cared less what other people thought when I was younger though, now I try to be more sociable.

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

*LOVES* THIS. Yes, yes, yes. What a wonderfully creative and honest introduction, J! I can relate to this so much and yet I would never have considered writing something like this - I am impressed!

Here's to another season of writing and reading and sweating and friendshipping!

[banana-galaxy.livejournal.com]

I may've been referring to my own experiences trying to figure out my sexuality roughly that long ago (it was a little over 15 years ago, though). I remember feeling like I had to choose because all I'd been exposed to was straight and gay. No middleground.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so glad you liked the creativeness and were able to relate :).

Yes, here here!

[kehlen.livejournal.com]

Speaking of other aspects: I now like some pop music and there are actors I fangirl over. No, I don’t need an exorcism. I’ve just gained a greater appreciation for the act of creation, of craft, of the time and effort it takes to bring something worthwhile into being.
*giggle*
My fifteen-year-old self would be horrified by this aspect I have also developed, too.

I really enjoyed how you mostly hinted at things, this makes it more likely that your younger you would take this seriously. I have a feeling my younger me would have a huge difficulty doing so however I write such a letter :)

[my-name-is-jenn.livejournal.com]

We may be small in comparison to the universe, but that’s why we matter; that’s why the people we have and the people we affect matter.

Love this.

I really like the direction you went with this. Now I kind of want to write a letter to my fifteen-year-old self. :)

[murielle.livejournal.com]

Love this! Fifteen is such a tough age for girls. Never having been a boy, I can't speak to their experience, but I absolutely know it's brutal for girls.

Great to see you again! Looking forward to more wonderful creations. Best of luck!

[myfinalusername.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing, I remember doing something like on another social site/blogging years

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

That's fair enough, I do agree there's a lot more coverage now. I remember watching an episode of House and thirteen was described as 'not fitting in any boxes' because of her bisexuality and I remember thinking that was weird that the show thought that way.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

:)

Thank you, glad you enjoyed. Yeah, I think any younger self would have difficulty listening. I also felt like hinting was needed instead of outright stating, because at the end of the day I'm happy with the me I am now and all the stuff that happened had to happen for me to get here. A dollop of advice, but mainly an intro to a different me, a revealing of how much a person can change beyond the scope their previous self thought.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so glad you liked that bit, I like that bit too :).

Oooh yay, glad to be of inspiration :).

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, glad you liked it :).

Thanks, good luck to you too.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[wolfden.livejournal.com]

This is a great letter.

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[banana-galaxy.livejournal.com]

So many people still do not understand bisexuality.