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swirlsofpurple) wrote2024-08-17 05:17 pm
Title: Our path
There’s a song written on the walls. We hold our paper to it. To gain an indent: a hollow impression. We kneel before it, trying to twist our tongues into the shapes it makes. It does tell; we must, we must, we must.
It is the only path. The words a place, a time, a reverence. It must be followed. We bow our heads, and chant. The path must be followed. The path must…
The path…
*
We have forgotten the words again. We stand nearer to the wall. Try pressing our eyes to the inlay. We know the words but do not know them also. There’s the bit about a path again. What is a path? How does one follow it?
Is this the story on the wall? No, it’s another story, on another wall, about a story on the wall. Written in a time when paths existed. How can we follow paths that no longer exist? The only answer: We must, we must, we must.
*
There is so much grey now. Didn’t there used to be trees and grass and people? It’s all disappearing, space contracting. What’s happening? We must follow the path, it will all be okay if we follow the path. But we can’t see it. Follow it better, follow it closer.
We must follow the path, or die.
*
It’s all grey. It’s always been like this. There has only ever been this small number of us. The song on the wall is missing some words. It’s old. We must look closer, we must follow.
*
“Can you hear us? Your path is caught in a feedback loop.”
“We must follow the path.”
“No. You’re trapped. You need to get off the path. The system is degrading. It will cease functioning soon.”
*
We wake in a strange place. But there is no us. Someone is screaming. It’s us. We are screaming.
“It’s okay. You’re safe here. Get me a sedative!”
“Where is us. Where is us. Where is us.”
“Just rest.”
“Where is us!”
“People were dying, we had to forcefully disconnect you from your virtual reality.”
“Where is us?”
“The hive-mind only existed because of that reality. Here you’re an individual.”
No. No. No. No. There is no we. There is no us. We are alone.
*
There is only crying. We can’t do this. We don’t know how. What will we do. We will die here.
*
“Hi, how are you feeling, you seem a little better today.”
Are we better? We aren’t crying. We just stare until they go away.
*
“How are you today?”
“We’re okay.”
“That’s good. I thought today we could work on deciding on a name for yourself.”
A name, do we want a name? Then we will truly no longer be an us. Us will be gone. Us is already gone. We need to survive here.
“Okay.”
There are an endless number of names, meaningless words on a page.
How do we choose? Who are we? What do we do? We can’t do this. We want to go back to the path. We want to go back to the song wall. We want to go back to us. None of those exist anymore.
We throw the book on the floor.
*
“We have… I have chosen a name.”
“Good. That’s good. Listen, I think you’re ready to move to outpatient care.”
“What? No. We can’t… I can’t do this alone. I’m not strong enough.”
“I think you’re underestimating yourself. And you won’t be alone, we’ll always be here.”
*
It turns out I am strong enough. It’s exhausting though. For every tiny new thing, I think, I’m not strong enough for this. But I do it anyway. I hope if I keep doing this, at some point, I'll no longer have to think I’m not strong enough every five minutes.
*
We are doing okay. We have started referring to ourselves as we again. It makes the most sense for us, it’s the most comfortable. It’s the most true. We still think we are not strong enough, but it happens less often.
We still feel the ache of loss. But we are building anew. We are making new friends. It’s hard. But we keep trying.
We are not alone.
no subject
You did an excellent job of expressing the group's increasing disorientation at losing the path, and terror at being ripped out of their reality. I also liked the transition you showed of their struggle with first person singular verses plural pronouns.
Have you read Meet Me In Another Life by Catriona Silvey? That novel also shows characters dealing with a virtual reality, and I think you would enjoy it.
Dan
no subject
ETA: Ooh, I haven't read that book, I'll have to check it out :)